What's Cooking at ChefMoz By Bcwine
Restaurant Peeves

Most everyone who goes out to eat has ‘em. The things that tick you off about what would otherwise be a splendid evening. The imperfections that keep getting in the way of a great meal. The not-so-small, annoying details that turn your attention from the enjoyment of the food and your significant other to venting your wrath on serving staff, kitchen, and management.

What might these include? How about an employee telling you on the phone that no reservations are available, and then hearing from a friend that they got in easily that night and the place was half-empty? Or arriving on time for your reservation and then having to wait for half an hour in the holding bar? Perhaps you’re tired of stale buns being served to you as a way to make you forget tardy service, or finding out that the beers listed as “on tap” in the menu haven’t been here in keg format for months?

In a different scenario you are talking to your delectable date at the beginning of an evening, but the server insists on getting you to remember his or her name and then recites all seventeen of today’s specials in a tone that makes them sound as exciting as last week’s leftover meatloaf. The background music is one tired CD that’s on permanent repeat and it’s ever so slowly starting to grate on your nerves.

You might be able to identify with a few others on this list:

  • mistakes on the bill that take forever to straighten out
  • overcooked vegetables
  • pepper grinders that look like they could double as rocket launchers
  • the same greens and rice / pasta / potato item with every main course
  • the waiter who won’t leave you alone and always asks you a question when your mouth is full
  • the waiter who has forgotten you and can be seen chatting with other servers
  • the exquisitely described $12 appetizer that consists of 3 leaves of lettuce, a slice of exotic vegetable and a piece of seafood

The Next Step

Now that you’ve gotten yourself worked up about the random slights the kitchen staff and the waiters have decided to visit on you, what are you going to do about it? You could complain to management, of course. More likely, you’ll complain to your friends and family. The third helpful suggestion is to join up at ChefMoz and write a review of the place. Vent and let other restaurant-goers know what awaits them.

After that, of course, your challenge will be to write a scrupulously objective description of the very same establishment. But you’ll be able to pull this off with no problems, being an accomplished ODP editor and all.

What should you write? Here’s an example of what a listing of the DMoz Penguin Café Bar might look like:

 

The Penguin Café Bar

Location: The DMoz Penguin Café Forum, physical address uncertain

Website: Changes often; here are the most recent URLs: http://dmoz.org/forum/threaddisplay.cgi?t=Forum35/HTML/000323.html
http://dmoz.org/forum/threaddisplay.cgi?t=Forum35/HTML/000290.html
http://dmoz.org/forum/threaddisplay.cgi?t=Forum35/HTML/000278.html
http://dmoz.org/forum/threaddisplay.cgi?t=Forum35/HTML/000264.html
http://dmoz.org/forum/threaddisplay.cgi?t=Forum35/HTML/000248.html

Description:
The Bar is a place that exclusively caters to and is run by the editors of the DMoz Open Directory Project. The atmosphere, cuisine, and style of service are variable since a single editor posting can entirely alter any of those aspects. Food and drink, when available, are paid for on an honor system or not at all. Money is rarely involved. Since there is no regular staff, service levels will change at a moment’s notice. The name changes as well, sometimes disappearing altogether.

The most regular of the barkeeps is editor mwaf, the founder of this establishment: http://dmoz.org/forum/threaddisplay.cgi?t=Forum35/HTML/000164.html

Features include a beach, many penguins, a huge espresso machine, and quite frequently, passed-out editors on the floor.

Most recently, the Bar has been given a run for its money by the nearby rival Nude Beach, at least as a spot for editors to hang out, in a manner of speaking. The Nude Beach does not appear to have food service, but it’s hard to tell if this situation will continue.

Review:
Relaxing at the Bar

When we first walked into the Bar, we were puzzled by a few things. The staffing was very sporadic, which meant that not only was no one there to help us or direct us to a table, but even the bartender was often absent. The patrons popped in and out of the establishment very rapidly and did not seem to mind the service one bit. In fact, they often helped themselves to food and drink or volunteered to serve for a while. Far from having a regular menu and drinks list, the Bar works on a customer suggestion basis – if you want something, you’re often expected to bring it or create it yourself.

After we became familiar with these strange customs and had visited here on a few occasions, we were much more comfortable with this establishment. The friendliness of the patrons and the open concept has now won us over. The plus side is that you can have pretty much anything you want in this place, glimpse editor romances in the making, contribute to the ambiance, and enjoy yourself immensely. The downside is that you’ll find lax standards of service and bad puns, will have to endure editor romances in the making, and will probably be ducking pies and various other food projectiles if you visit often enough. Of course, that could be exactly what you’re looking for.

Recommended items: strawberry daiquiris, specialty coffees, instant roast beef, roasted penguins when they’re fresh and anything being hurled across the room.

Ratings: Food -- 3/5 Service -- 2/5 Ambiance -- 4/5 Overall -- 4/5

Other ChefMoz News

  • There is a current discussion in the ChefMoz Forum regarding adapting the data dump and the use license for use in mobile computing devices like palm computers and WAP phones.
  • Since ChefMoz’s inception in December 1999, many DMoz editors have signed up for categories. A number of them have not returned for quite a while, and after some forum discussion, it was agreed to give meta-editors the ability to inactivate those log-ins. Editors wishing to resume ChefMoz activity are very much encouraged to do so and should simply ask to have their account re-activated by a meta-editor listed here: http://chefmoz.org/edoc/editall.html
  • After some prompting, ChefMoz programmer Autumn has come up with the very handy Merge Restaurant tool. The two large data dumps for the US had many duplicates in them, some of which caused separate entries in the directory. The previous solution was to manually cut and paste each individual item from one entry to another and then to delete the dupe. This has now been vastly simplified, with some bugs yet to be worked out.
  • ODP editors have been quite disturbed over the news that ChefMoz and DMoz editall ettore has been involved in a serious accident. Details are lacking, but the most recent news is that he is now recovering. Our most heartfelt collective wishes go out to him and his family.
  • One commercial user has already breached ChefMoz (and Net-) etiquette by using the interface to try to send solicitations to restaurant owners. Quick action by Autumn has prevented any further abuse.

If you’re interested at all in the ODP’s dining guide project, we’d love to have you. Please sign up as editor by clicking the “become an editor” link in a city category and checking the “already a DMoz editor” box. After that, you just have to apply for your own hometown.

Happy eating!
Bcwine
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